This is going to be the longest blog post ever...
So I had a few laughs today with my friends who live in Budapest, Galicia and here in Madrid. The following is a transcript of our email correspondence. It all started with these Tshirts that we made for our friends in Budapest. well, you'll figure it out...
Dora to me, Hogan
Apr 27 (2 days ago)
Nick, I cant believe that you actually got the shirts done! You are A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Hogan could not stop laughing when I called him (after he sent these photos). I cant wait to get home and wear mine. SO funny. What good memories.
Thank you so much for these!
XO lots and lots of love from Bp.
D. (and Hogan)
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Nick Weber to Maria, Chad, Dora, Hogan
Apr 27 (2 days ago)
I'm happy you like them!! We had a lot of fun making them, too. The only thing they told us at the shop is be sure to turn them inside out when you wash them (and cold water, of course). I think I'm going to send these photos to Chad, but I'm sure he'll be jealous that I didn't make one for him!! But he should see how cute Lua looks on a Tshirt.
good times!
Nick
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Dora to me, Hogan, Maria, Chad
Apr 27 (2 days ago)
he should be jealous. Did you make one for yourself?? its just Team Hayes that has them??
D.
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Chad to Dora, me, Hogan, Maria
7:44 AM (16 hours ago)
I'm green green green with envy. Go team hayes.
Chad
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Dora to Chad, me, Hogan, Maria
10:11 AM (14 hours ago)
that reminds me of a joke.....
do you remember Myrtle's joke? the dinner party where you have to come dressed as an emotion...and one guy is wearing all green for envy, another woman all red for passion, and then a blackman walks in naked with a pear on the end of his d"ck. What are you the hostess asked? "Me?" Im fu+kin dis pear"
ha ha ha.
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Nick to Dora, Chad, Hogan, Maria
10:22 AM (14 hours ago)
and we're back to the naked black man topic. you still haven't explained what's the difference, Dora. And I don't see why the joke requires a black man except for your (and inevitably, Myrtle's) excitement at the thought of a naked black man. it could just have easily been a white guy "fuckin dis pear"... or a latino... or a korean... or even a jew... (that's not racist, is it?)
I liked the joke, though. naked black man, or no naked black man.
btw. I think it's better to write "black man" not "blackman".
just throwin that out there.
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Dora to me, Chad, Hogan, Maria
10:26 AM (13 hours ago)
there is a simple reason: white people dont say "dis" they say "this".
Booya.
and I totally have blackfriends. I love blackpeople!
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Nick to Dora, Chad, Hogan, Maria
11:06 AM (13 hours ago)
yeah. maybe. but what about Koreans...? You could have done it with a pakistani. I can easily imagine a pakistani saying "dis"
So that reminds me of another joke:
So Jake and Wendy are in love and so they get married. Jake, smart guy that he is, thinks of the greatest wedding gift anyone could give for his wife and gets her name tattooed on his you know what. The tattoo artist does the old wrap-around job so that when you look at it from above, all you can see is the W and the Y. Jake and Wendy are more in love than ever.
After the wedding, Jake and Wendy head to Jamaica for their honeymoon. Upon arriving at the airport in Jamaica, Jake goes in to use the rest room. He steps up to a urinal next to a man who is obviously a local (he knows this because of the dreadlocks and the deep deep tan). As Jake is urinating, he happens to take a glance over at the man’s you know what at the neighboring urinal and sees the exact same “W” and “Y” tattooed on his. Jake says, “Hey man! What a coincidence! Check it out, my girlfriend is named Wendy, too!” The Jamaican laughs and says, “Ha ha. Good one, mahn! Actually mine says, WELCOME TO JAMICA MAN! HAVE A NICE DAY”
Ha ha.
Oh yeah, and then the Pakistani says, “check it out! I’m “fuckin’ dis pear!”
See. It works. Try it, next time. See if you don’t get a good laugh.
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Dora to me, Chad, Hogan, Maria
11:14 AM (13 hours ago)
Oh My God Nick, that is The Oldest most clichéd joke in The Book! They even have a Hungarian version that reads: "Üdvözlöm Jamaikán és egy nagyon jó napot kívánok Önnek!"
and the Pakistaniman at the end of it, saying "and I'm fukin dis pear" does not make any sense whatsoever.
there is another version of my previous joke and that has the blackman sayings: "Im fukin dis custard" I like the pear one better personally.
p.s. Im losing it over here and I should be working.
Dora to me
11:15 AM (13 hours ago)
ps, why are you so obsessed with the blackman's "you know what"? Are you trying to get to the bottom of the "once you go black, you never go back" theory?
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Nick to Dora
11:25 AM (13 hours ago)
I'm not trying to get to the bottom of anything. just, you know, keepin it real.
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Dora to me
show details 11:29 AM (13 hours ago)
yeah whatever. im not the one sending obama books to all the blackpeople I know.
Keep Kickin it.
D.
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Nick to Dora, Chad, Hogan, Maria
11:31 AM (13 hours ago)
work - schmerk!
oh really!? "The Oldest in The Book" huh? "The Book" with capital letters. So I guess you must have a copy of "The Book" and happened to look up "The Oldest" joke. And the pakistaniman makes tons of sense. Don't you get it? He's fucking despair. "Despair" as in sadness, depression. duh!!
and since when is dis custard an emotion!
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Dora to me
11:36 AM (13 hours ago)
NICK, dont you get it? "dis custard" equals "disgusted" in blackman language. thats an emotion. I feel "disgusted."
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Nick to Dora
12:18 PM (12 hours ago)
I worked for half an hour, so now I can go back to arguing with you.
your definition of an emotion sucks. according to you, if it can complete the sentence, "I feel..." than it's an emotion. what about "hung over" I feel "hung over" is "hung over" an emotion? what about "like puking"? I feel "like puking". "like puking" doesn't seem like much of an emotion to me.
if he can be "fuckin dis custard" he ought to be able to be "fuckin dis combobulated" and he'd have a, you know, combobulated at the end of his you know what.
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Nick to Dora, Chad, Hogan, Maria
12:32 PM (12 hours ago)
hey, I got another one.
this guy and his wife are out golfing and the guy gets a horrible lie off the fairway right behind this gigantic barn. His wife say, "ya know, I bet if we open the front and back doors of the barn you could shoot right thru it and make it to the green." He's not sure, but decides to try it. They open the doors and he takes his shot and it makes it thru the front doors of the barn but hits the inside of the barn, ricochets back out, hits his wife in the head, and kills her.
A few weeks later, he's out with one of his buddies, and on the same hole gets the exact same crappy lie behind the barn. His buddy says, "ya know, I bet if we open the front and back doors of the barn you could shoot right thru it and make it to the green." The guys say, "nah. last time I tried that, I got a triple bogey."
Ha Ha Ha. I'm so goddamn funny, I kill myself.
Nick to Dora
12:41 PM (12 hours ago)
hey Dora,
have you heard of Thao & the get down stay down?
I'm going to send you their album if you haven't heard it cuz it's awesome!!
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Dora to me
1:14 PM (11 hours ago)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disgust
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Dora to me, Chad, Hogan, Maria
1:15 PM (11 hours ago)
I should really get that considering Im in the golf industry.
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Dora to me
1:16 PM (11 hours ago)
NO! Send it to me! Rather that than an Obama book (cuz Im not a blacklady of course)
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Nick to Dora
1:20 PM (11 hours ago)
yeah. maybe. but he's not "fuckin dis cust". He's "fuckin dis custard." you could change the joke so he has a pizza crust on his you know what and then he'd say, "Me? I'm fuckin dis crust" because, you know, maybe in blackpeople language that means disgust.
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Nick to Dora
1:26 PM (11 hours ago)
although you may not see it at first, what I just wrote makes perfect sense. The green dude didn't come dressed in green because he was "envious" no. he was envy. and the red lady wasn't passionate. she was "passion." Hey that makes me think of another way you could do the joke. have the pakistaniman have a passion fruit on his you know what and say "I'm fuckin dis passion" and then the "fruit" part a little bit under his breath.
oh god. now that's a good one. where do I come up with this genius material?
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Dora to me
1:26 PM (11 hours ago)
Im rolling on the floor laughing! STOP.
but then it would have to be "Im fuckin dis pizzacrust" and that doesnt make much sense now does it. lets stick with "dis pear". That works MUCH better...
OMG, I got a NEW ONE!!!! How about, blackman, naked, with a parrot on his you know what..."What? what am I? Isnt it obvious? Im fuckin dis parrot" (desperate) GET IT?
HA HA HA
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Nick to Dora
1:40 PM (11 hours ago)
that IS a good one. unfortunately since it's an animate object, he couldn't just have the parrot hangin out on his you know what, just kickin it. He'd actually have to be fuckin it which, you know, might be kind of hard. On the parrot, I mean. which actually just reminds me of another joke. I'll tell you in a minute.
"dis crust"
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Dora to me
1:45 PM (11 hours ago)
Ahmmm, who did you just send me a picture of just now? that is fuckin dis custard!
Dispassion!! I think my disparrot is good. cant wait for the joke.
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Dora to me
1:50 PM (10 hours ago)
but the joke goes..." I am greeeen, greeeen with envy" (which equals to him being envious!
But you DO have a point.
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Nick to Dora
1:57 PM (10 hours ago)
wait. are you trying to imitate Chad?
hey. do you think Chad really is envious or is trying to be sarcastic (the bastard)?
sometimes, when he's really hurt, he lashes out with sarcasm.
it's a defense mechanism of his.
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Nick to Dora
show details 1:54 PM (10 hours ago)
OK.
so this guy goes home to his wife carrying a sheep under his arm. He says, "so honey, this is the pig I've been fucking all these years".
His wife says, "that's not a pig, you dumbass, that's a sheep."
He looks at her and says, "I wasn't talkin' to you!"
you have GOT to get this one.
you could probably substitute a parrot for the sheep.
and even make the guy a pakistaniman. or if you really want, a naked blackman. That would make it even funnier, I'm sure.
sorry I haven't replied about the Obama books and the blackpeople. It was actually really funny. I guess apart from being really funny, it probably kinda hurt a little. deep down, you know. that's why I haven't brought it back up. But, just so you know: good one!!
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Dora to me
show details 2:02 PM (10 hours ago)
no, I think Chad knows the joke and thats why he said it! But...hjaving said that if I was Chad, I would be really envious! did you see the pics I uploaded on facebook wearing the shirt?
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Nick to Dora
2:07 PM (10 hours ago)
yeah. you look awesome!! I'm glad you like the shirt.
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Dora to me
2:13 PM (10 hours ago)
oh I look awesome? hahahahahah, I had just rolled out of bed :).
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Chad to Dora, me, Hogan, Maria
2:47 PM (10 hours ago)
Get to work y'all.
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Dora to Chad, me, Hogan, Maria
2:50 PM (10 hours ago)
stop being green with envy chad!
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Hogan to Dora, me, Maria
2:59 PM (9 hours ago)
Just wanted to chime in here in the "dis" versus "this" issue.
As a one-time English teacher here in Budapest, I've noted that very few Hungarians can pronounce the 'th'- sound. They often use a 'd' in place of 'th-'.
I actually think the joke is funnier with a Central European accent.
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Nick to Hogan, Dora, Maria
3:00 PM (9 hours ago)
yeah. but you're kind of a nerd.
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Nick to Hogan, Dora, Maria
show details 3:03 PM (9 hours ago)
and how many pakistanis have you taught english to? trust me. they say "dis." and what's funnier than an old pakistani sheep herder with a turban on his head and a pear on his you know what? trust me. I know the best way to tell jokes.
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Dora to me, Hogan
show details 3:06 PM (9 hours ago)
old pakistani sheep herder????? that wouldnt make sense at all---he would SO not be invited to an "emotion" party. Duh.
(I took Maria off the distro list because I think we are annoying her.)
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Nick to Dora, Hogan
3:17 PM (9 hours ago)
she has a busy day today, so that's why she probably hasn't replied to anything. doesn't mean we were annoying her. She did give me a little crap about not getting any work done. which is oh, so untrue. I made a couple graphs and put them into my thesis.
and who WOULDN'T invite an old pakistani sheep herder to an emotion party? especially if he was going to come with a pear or even better a passion (fruit) on his you know what.
Who has "emotion parties" anyway?
sounds lame.
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Hogan to me, Dora, Maria, Chad
3:17 PM (9 hours ago)
Wait. So the guy is naked, and he's wearing a turban. Now I get it. It's funny 'cause it's true.
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Dora to me, Hogan
3:22 PM (9 hours ago)
Emotion party sounds AWESOME--except I'd have trouble coming up with a costume. You kids have it EASY!!!!! you could be fuckin ANYTHING....
I have an idea for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Parrot is the best!
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Nick to Hogan, Dora, Maria, Chad
3:44 PM (9 hours ago)
that's right. so true.
That's why the joke with guy and the sheep under his arm and the "honey, here's the pig I've been fuckin..." is so funny.
funny cuz it's true.
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Nick to Hogan, Dora, Maria, Chad
5:04 PM (7 hours ago)
Dora,
I've been thinking about it (and actually going over it out loud) and your parrot joke just doesn't work. You see, even if he was "fuckin' dis parrot", nobody pronounces desperate like that. Desperate is what we call in spain an esdrújula meaning that the 3rd syllable from the end is the stressed syllable. DES-per-ate. Nobody says des-Per-ate. unless they're retarded. and then, maybe they'd get the joke. but I kind of doubt it. You see, even if retarded people might pronounce "desperate" the wrong way, that doesn't mean they would understand the joke. But they might laugh, anyway. So unless you intended the joke with the parrot to be for an audience of retarded people, I don't think you'd get many laughs.
sorry.
try it with a passion (fruit)
trust me.
That one's hilarious.
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Dora to me, Hogan, Maria, Chad
5:18 PM (7 hours ago)
oh shut up. it does too work.
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Hogan to me, Dora, Maria, Chad
5:20 PM (7 hours ago)
What about "I'm fucking 'dis hot chick'?
Does that work?
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Hogan to Dora, me, Maria, Chad
5:47 PM (7 hours ago)
Get it?
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Chad to Hogan, Dora, me, Maria
11:12 PM (1 hour ago)
That's the best one all day!
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Nick to Chad, Hogan, Dora, Maria
1:10 AM (5 minutes ago)
See what I mean about sarcasm?
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